One hundred years from now, it will not matter what kind of car I drove, what kind of house I lived in, how much money I had in my bank account, or what my clothes looked like. But one hundred years from now, the world may be a little better because I was important in the life of a child.
–Anonymous

This quote kicks off Peter Benson’s new book, Parent, Teacher, Mentor, Friend: How Every Adult Can Change Kids’ Lives . He is the founder of the 40 Developmental Assets of the Search Institute and has devoted his life to exploring what supports kids to thrive. His organization has researched literally millions of kids across the US and found that the more Developmental Assets a kid has, the more they thrive–as in better grades, better health, better leadership, and less risky behavior (violence, substance abuse, promiscuity). When you look at the list of the 40 Developmental Assets , you’ll see that they are common-sense ideas, divided into:

• External: Support, Empowerment, Boundaries and Expectations, Constructive Use of Time
• Internal: Commitment to Learning, Positive Values, Social Competencies, Positive Identity

The Assets are big on my mind right now as Kathy Keller Jones and I prepare our “Coming of Age” talk for some of the 3000 participants at the Search Institute “Big Tent Conference” in Houston in November. But what do the Assets mean for you as a parent?

We get such confusing messages from our culture about what is important. And we have to be picky about what we choose to do with our time as we are busier than ever. Who can you trust? Who can you turn to for what really matters in raising kids? Every one of us who cares about kids has to answer that question for him/herself.

When I left my pediatric practice to find out what parents needed to know to prevent the problems I was seeing in my office, I was longing for an answer to these questions, too. When I learned about the Assets, I found home. Here is research-proven support to PREVENT problems. My parenting became guided by these principles. Our own Raising Our Sons and Raising Our Daughters are based on these Assets. More and more people across the US are turning toward the Asset model, too: parents, school districts, cities, places of worship, entire states, organizations like Scouts, Big Brother Big Sister. The list goes on.

Why do the 40 Developmental Assets resonate with so many people who care about youth? I think it is because you can boil it down to one theme that makes sense to all of us: CONNECTION. When kids are connected to others, they feel validated every day for who they are right now. That they matter. That they are an important, critical part of the community. It allows for them to “BE” who they are, to explore openly and to discover what “gets them out of bed in the morning.” if you agree, the purpose of life is to find our unique gift and then figure out how to give it, what are you doing as a parent to foster that gift and its giving in your kids? In other people’s kids?

I leave you with another quote, one that might push you to answer, "How did I help kids feel good about themselves today?"

I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. –Maya Angelou

In admiration for all you do,

Dr. Kathy