What do you answer to “What are you passionate about? What makes you happy?” For many of us, we’d be at a loss. We usually don’t think about it. We go through our day, accomplishing our “to dos”–work, household chores, kid carpool, and, if we’re lucky, squeezing in exercise, a chat with our spouse, and coffee with a friend. What if, instead, from the time we were little, “What are your strengths and passions?” was the question that mattered most? What if everyone’s task in life were to discover his/her unique gifts and then to figure out how to use them in the most rewarding ways possible?

As young children, we spent a lot of time doing what we loved. Our list of “shoulds” was pretty short. Our joy muscle was practiced and strong. As we became teens and got older, our priorities shifted to future planning, college applications, jobs and/or financial security.

And now? Do you hurry through life checking off “to dos”? How much happier would you be living the life you really want to live?

How do you get there? How much happier would your children be if you modeled a life of passion and if you encouraged them to discover and develop their passions and strengths? My wise friend Shann Weston shares inspiring words in “Modeling a Life Worth Living,” excerpted in Raising Our Daughters/Sons. She says if you want your kids to have passion, model it.

For me, passion comes when I’m using my favorite skills, blissfully involved in a project and mindless of time. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, author of Flow, The Psychology of Optimal Experience, describes this as “flow, a state of experience that is engrossing and intrinsically rewarding.” According to Csikszentmihalyi, being in the “flow”:

• Occurs when one is completely involved, focused, concentrating–either due to innate curiosity, a love of the task, or as an outcome of training.
• Results in a feeling that no time is passing and a sense of serenity or ecstasy.
• Can only happen when one’s skills are suited to the task at hand.

Flow evolves from what people enjoy doing more than anything, their passion. Passion is not static. Rather, it is a process and ever changing as we grow and explore and learn more about what we are good at and what we like to do. Once we (re)discover our own passions and attain flow in our lives, only then can we support our kids to discover what makes them feel passionate and good about themselves.

So, where do you start—here, now, today?

• Be a life-long learner, open to new ideas, new activities, continuously experimenting.
• Know your innate skills. Jenifer Fox, author of Your Child’s Strengths, advocates discovering and developing kids’ natural strengths in three areas: activity, relationships, learning. Her book features a wonderful discovery process.
• Explore what matters to you, how you want to show up in the world. “Spark.A.Vision Screenplay,” from the Search Institute, is a great tool to use to visualize an inspiring future.
• Allow the spark to ignite. When our skills meet our values, what we hold most dear, passion happens. (Warning to parents! This is where you have to “let go.” No pushing, no helicoptoring, no $$ in your eyes for future scholarships. Nothing will kill passion faster than burnout. Let your kid drive the process. Be in this for the long-haul.)
• Be open to change and new passions.

As the New Year begins, I find myself recommitted to engineering my daily life around getting the most rewarding experiences from it–striving for passion, creativity, and flow experiences every day, especially at work. Chip and I spent New Year’s Eve brainstorming our life vision in Health, Work, Relationships, and Financial Health. (We would have added Mindful Parenting if we still had kids at home.) It’s a start to getting back on track.

How about you? Are you ready for more? Are you ready to live life “as a work of art rather than as a chaotic response to external events?” as Csikszentmihalyi challenges us. Now’s a good time to respond with a resounding “yes”!

With encouragement and cheer,

Dr. Kathy