Collaboration, working with others to achieve something, is a common buzzword in business. How about applying it to your personal life? Can you imagine your family working collaboratively?

Social creatures, we thrive on connecting with others and living in community. This natural instinct harkens back to our origins, when hunting and farming together maximized success as a species. Somehow we figured out a long time ago that when we work together we can improve our lot in life. Fast forward to today, the Information Age. Yep, collaboration is king now, too. Consider emailing, a form of virtual collaboration. Or “google” any technology problem you have, and there’ll most likely be a blog solution.

Here’s how it works: By engaging with others, we learn from them, are exposed to greater possibilities, stretch ourselves, develop new skills, and can tackle challenges we might not have been able to surmount on our own. In short, the result of collaboration is greater than just a sum of the parts.

Twyla Tharp, acclaimed choreographer and author of The Collaborative Habit, Life Lessons for Working Together, says, “Collaboration is people working together–sometimes by choice, sometimes not. Sometimes we collaborate to jump-start creativity; other times the focus is simply on getting things done. In each case, people in a good collaboration accomplish more than the group’s most talented members could achieve on their own.”

What if you brought the idea of collaboration into your family life?
In our families, we are together “by choice, sometimes not.” And we certainly have many “things to get done” to function every day. Starting at a young age, children can learn to collaborate within their family. Their involvement and contribution can impact how smoothly a day runs, how harmonious the home is. Just think about the possibilities if you applied these three key principles of collaboration to your family life!

• Respect: According to Tharp, “The most important ingredient in collaboration is a respect for one another. Mutual respect makes blunt disagreements bearable . . . [and] creative disagreements spur new ideas.” When respect is present, differences are valued, even desired, and add to the energizing, creative brainstorming that leads to fresh ideas and fun. The Number One parenting tool, respect–especially when your children become teens–is the basis of our upcoming class, “Connect by Coaching Your Kids: It Starts with Respect.”

• Commitment to a Purpose: “A clearly stated and consciously shared purpose is the foundation of a great collaboration. A powerful purpose makes daily annoyances smaller,” says Tharp. Perhaps your family could come up with its own unique family mission statement and goals and make a commitment to having those at the heart of all your family activities. If truly created through family collaboration, your kids will learn to appreciate how their contributions to the family matter and will “buy in” with their actions. And the lessons learned will go a long way! Collaborative practices can be a gift to your children–for resiliency, creativity, and on-going learning in their future jobs and families of their own.
• Clear Communication: “Collaboration,” notes Tharp, “depends upon very precise communication–speaking to the right person at the right time in the right way.” Imagine putting this principle into practice at home! Consider the power of “pausing,” thinking through what you are going to say before you say it–and how that can change your family dynamics. Our “Compassionate Communication” class is a great way to learn this skill—and we happen to have a Weekend Workshop on Compassionate Communication coming up on May 20-21.

Family members who collaborate make living together look easy. Every member is fully valued for his/her input into family activities. There are clear expectations and routines so that everyone knows, for example, that on Saturday morning everyone is going to clean the house together. Not only does the house get cleaned, but, working side-by-side, conversation can easily turn to deep sharing and connection.

How about one more step–taking collaboration into your children’s school?
PTA by its very nature is a collaboration of parents and staff working to create a better learning environment for kids. PTAs that appreciate the qualities and gifts of ALL their members are open to new ideas and have a bigger impact on the well-being of everyone. Check out this inspirational story about a PTA building a climbing wall.

Tharp says, “In a healthy environment, a good collaboration will extend your strength.” What if you took your passions, your talents, and maximized them in collaboration with your PTA? What could you introduce to help kids feel “connected to their school,” an incredible predictor for reduction of risky behaviors in our youth?

Now is the time to introduce new ideas to the PTA to consider for next year. Consider initiating a Parent Resource Committee to keep parents informed of pertinent topics, educational materials, and programs. Or pool your parent interest, talent, and passion with a survey. Are parents/staff interested in:

• A safe, social climate, focusing on healthy relationships
• PTA-sponsored, parent-led after-school clubs
• Girls/Boys Night Out to welcome incoming 6th or 9th graders

Good collaboration brings out the best in everyone and results in better outcomes than can be achieved alone. In what ways can you bring collaboration into your life?