For me, September connotes–like no other time of the year–renewal, recharging, new habits, and new starts. After a restorative summer of warm, lazy days, I find myself ready to plunge into autumn with vigor. Plus, some natural structures of the fall help me to stay on task: For 22 years of schooling, I had summers off, so the pattern of play-rest-fun followed by learning-study-work hard is deeply ingrained in me. The structure of everyone around me buckling down and focusing also helps—as does the weather. When it gets colder outside, it’s just not as much fun to be on my bike all day or to read in the hammock.

So, if today is the first day of the rest of my life, how can I make it be the best I can? In other words, what does my “success” look like from this perspective?

First, I firmly believe everyone needs to create his or her own version of success and stick to it. Getting wrapped up in what success is supposed to look like–money, grades, achievement, promotions, stuff—is a slippery slope. In a culture saturated with messages 24/7 that say, “I will be happy if I own . . .,” it is easy to get sucked in to consumerism.

Instead, we need to strive daily for what we really love. Your nirvana might be my nightmare or vice versa. We all have our own “quality worlds,” as William Glasser notes in his landmark book, Choice Theory: A New Psychology of Personal Freedom. So, I ask you, what is in your quality world and what does the quality world of your child(ren) look like?

• Who are the people you want to spend time with? Who loves you just as you are? Who inspires you? Who teaches you?
• What are the things you like to do? Your passions? Meaningful work? Fun? Hobbies?
• What are the thoughts, values, beliefs you want to have in your quality world?

Once you determine how your quality world looks, then make those people, those activities, those values and beliefs your priority. How do you do this despite the pressures of life and our consumerist culture? By doing your best daily to stay in touch with what matters to you. And how do you do this? Long walks, talks with good friends, yoga, meditation, journaling, monthly goals, or maybe personal growth books? All of these can be useful to children as well as adults!

Journaling is a great way to stay in touch with what matters, an opportunity to be 100% honest about what is important. One style of journaling I like is described in The Artist’s Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity by Julia Cameron; she recommends writing three pages of free-flowing thoughts every day and calls this “Morning Pages” journaling. (OK, maybe three pages is a bit much, but you get the idea.)

Triggers also are windows into what matters most. When you are upset by something that happened or something someone said, consider it a gift. Pause and explore what is so important that it upset you. Ask what is your unmet need or value in the situation? If another person is involved, what perhaps is their unmet need or value? I like to write down all my judgmental thoughts, uncovering more and more of what is going on deep inside of me. This helps to clarify how I want to go forward in my relationship with the other person and what action might help me to stay true to my values. Learning how to identify needs and values can start at a young age and can be instrumental in developing self-understanding and in honing invaluable communication skills.

Interestingly, people are notoriously bad at predicting what makes them happy. As John Lennon said, “Life is what happens while we are making other plans.” This truth reminds us to enjoy the now. Rather than focus on what future plans might make us happy, how about being happy right now in this moment over which we do have control? How can we thoroughly enjoy right now without worry of the future? How can we let go of the past and revel in the here and now? There is no better source of inspiration for this than Eckhart Tolle’s The New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose.

For teens and young adults, author Alan Lohner offers another tool for inspiration, our featured book of the month. Lohner says that Fail Not is designed to strengthen resiliency through self-affirmation. It is his wish that the book can help young people to develop a strong will to carry through on positive decisions, hopes, and dreams.

Right now, more than I have in the past, I am truly exploring what I want to do each day. I am mindfully enjoying each moment, striving to go to bed at night content–whether I was super productive or lazy. Just letting life flow. . . .

Hoping you find your quality world and let it flow,

Dr. Kathy