DO YOUR HOVER?
““I left my job to devote to my 7-, 10- and 13-year-olds’ happiness and safety. All I do is drive, running each of them to 2-3 outside activities. I respond to their constant demands texted from their cell phones for forgotten homework, lunch, coat, even a favorite pencil. Whatever! Will they ever learn? And then all they say to me is, ‘Back off, Mom!’”
Discussion:
I bring up the question of helicopter parenting for two reasons. The topic is on the front cover of Time Magazine: “The Case Against Over-Parenting: Why Mom and Dad Need to Cut the Strings.” A second reason is the holiday season adds a layer of expectation and demand on our time, especially for a parent exhausted from over-parenting. It is a good time to address the possibility.
I love Wikipedia’s definition of a helicopter parent: “… a parent who pays extremely close attention to his or her child’s experiences and problems. These parents rush to prevent any harm or failure from befalling their children and won’t let them learn from their own mistakes, sometimes even contrary to the children’s wishes. They are so named because, like helicopters, they hover closely overhead, rarely out of reach of their child.”
Helicopter parenting is turning parenting into an extreme sport of over-nurturing and over-supporting. It happens when we think being a “good parent” means our child never fails and never has a bad day. What is happening is that instead of being happy and successful, more and more the kids are developing into miserable and incompetent teens with the added trait of feeling entitled. Not a positive combination. Colleges and workplaces are not only spending money to ward these parents off, they are also trying to figure out how to help these kids who lack many basic skills.
The first step in knowing what to do about the problem is for each of us to evaluate how much helicopter parenting we are doing. Then we can explore what to do about it. Good sources to examine this are to read the Time article or watch the “How to Ground Your Helicopter Parenting” presentation I did last August on AM Northwest below. Note: depending on your internet connection, it may take a moment to load.
In the next blog I will be talking about holiday traditions. I will be returning to helicopter parenting at the beginning of the year.
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If I knew then what I know now, I would have …
Recognized the pressure I experienced by being so involved in my children’s lives was not good for me or my children. It got in the way of their growth.
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With admiration for all you do,
Dr. Kathy
Kathy Masarie, MD
Pediatrician, Parent, and Life Coach
Author of Raising Our Daughters and Raising Our Sons
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