Connection: It Starts with Respect

January 31, 2013 by

Winter is a natural time of year to focus on connection. In snuggling together in our homes, trying to stave off the cold, slushy weather outside, we can nurture our connections with each other and become re-energized. Isn’t that a great image? Snuggling, secure, warm, connected, at ease, and relaxed? Isn’t this what we crave? Isn’t this what our bodies and spirits need?

We do experience fleeting moments of connection when our “battery recharges,” and we cherish those moments deeply. The reality is, however, that we don’t seem to experience those moments as often or for as long we would like or even need. Shouldn’t taking the time to relax and connect with each other be a priority of our life rhythm?

Unfortunately, what I see as a life coach is that, rather than conserving energy and focusing on peace, ease, and connection, family life never seems to slow down: School projects take over the family dining table, sports teams’ practices gear up in anticipation of spring season, we eat in our cars on the way to dance and gymnastics, and everyone goes to bed later and later because there is always so much to do. The truth of the matter is: Slowing down enough to put closeness and strong ties into your days today can lead to smoother sailing over the next few months–when the spring season of action, growth, and school deadlines arrives.

So, what does my title, “Connection: It Starts with Respect,” have to do with all this? Bottom line is: Respect for ourselves, our partners, and our kids provides the impetus for us to slow down enough and take the time to make connection a priority for each person in the family.

Respect is a bit of a dicey word in our culture today. Many parents feel they are not getting enough of it from their kids. Most tweens and teens feel they are not getting enough of it from the adults in their lives: parents, teachers, coaches, salespeople in stores, etc. My teenagers used to ask me to shop with them, because of the lack of respect and trust they felt from the salespeople.

Another side of this is that both adults and tweens/teens get hung up with, “They don’t deserve my respect.” In truth, the word deserve does not appear in the Webster definition of respect: “high or special regard or to show consideration or thoughtfulness in relation to somebody.” Listening to and connecting with someone you don’t have respect for is challenging. Think about it. When you are with an adult you don’t respect, how attentive are you to what she has to say? How much time do you want to spend with him?

Now think about your children. Do you really respect them with “special or high regard?” Do you find yourself sometimes dis-regarding or dismissing what they have to say, because . . . they are too young, you know better, they are saying ____ to manipulate me or get their way. How well can one really listen and connect if respect is missing?

Our book this month, Respectful Parents, Respectful Children, reminds us that respect starts with us: parents. When we treat our children with respect, we model respect and we listen. We listen for what they really value and long for. When we listen like this, our children feel heard.

How do you begin to practice this powerful lesson?

1. Start by saying, “I respect you for . . . ” to your child more often. (This is the first step I focus on in my “Connect by Coaching Your Kid” class that starts this month.) The way this works is that you take a few minutes to write down the qualities you respect and admire in your child. Then, be on the alert for real-life opportunities when your child manifests those qualities. When the opportunities arise (and they will), say, “I respect (admire) you for . . . (insert quality). An example is: “I really respect how hard you studied for the math test.”

2. Listen for the underlying value or need driving your child’s behavior or request. (This step will be covered in our upcoming “Compassionate Communication” class.) Ask yourself, for example, when your child is having a temper tantrum, does she have a need for sleep, food, rest, attention? If your child is not keeping his or her room clean, does he have a need for creativity, independence, choice? Sometimes, all you can do is guess, but calling attention to the value/need helps us to figure out what makes our kids tick rather than just focusing on the behavior and how to squelch it. Once our kids get connected to their own values/needs and realize we are really trying to understand them, then they are in a better place to listen to our values and needs. Just giving your kids what they need is not what this is about. Rather, helping them to discover their underlying needs so they (sometimes with your help) can come up with effective ways to get their needs met while considering your needs is a win-win for both of you.

If you are an information junkie like me, check out the following links for more information on this complicated but powerful topic:

I challenge you to use this wonderful winter season to brush up on your parenting skills by focusing on respect and learning the invaluable tool of Compassionate Communication.

With admiration for all you do,

Dr. Kathy

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Healthy Eating . . . Thriving Families

February 2, 2012 by

Healthy eating is on my mind after a rather long string of delicious meals during our two-week trip to Croatia and the holidays. Plus, there is just something about NOW–as in Tracy Chapman’s song, If Not Now, Then When? I practically cry when I hear that song for the things I am not doing in my life that I know would lead to happiness, connection, and longevity.

With healthy eating, old habits die hard. And I pass those old habits on to those I love who eat with me. If “you are what you eat,” what is the impact I have on my kids after 18+ years of three meals per day. If I want to be alive and healthy with my grandkids at 70 and 80, what am I doing now in service of that? If I want my CHILDREN to be alive and healthy with THEIR grandkids at 70 and 80, what am I doing now in service of THAT? Back to “If Not Now, Then When?”

My colleague Cynthia Gulick, DO, a Portland family practitioner, has seen such an increase in obesity and diabetes that she founded Oregon Medical Weight Loss & Wellness. Her interventions have reversed diabetes, hypertension, high cholesterol, fatty liver, sleep apnea and depression for many people. She focuses on prevention and especially loves to help families with weight-challenged kids step up to a level of energy, of thriving, that isn’t just surviving. She feels strongly that weight-challenged families need to stop blaming themselves, or their kids, for medical forces that often are a factor but are usually hidden–especially because they CAN be treated effectively.

To help you help your kids on to a healthy lifestyle, I’ve asked Dr. Gulick to share her thoughts with you.

From guest author Dr. Cythnia Gulick
Picture this: You’re hosting a “baseball” birthday party for your nine-year-old. Like a pack of puppies, all the kids have careened outside to the front yard, engrossed with a game. Plates of birthday cake with melting puddles of ice cream lie abandoned for the lure of the outdoors, for the compelling draw of playing together outside in a manic, festive, boyish romp. Except. . . . there’s one, maybe two kids, for whom the lure of play is overridden by what must clearly be compelling, physical, internal cues of hunger.

I’ve raised four kids, and the three boys were teenagers at the same time. In my peripheral vision, I was often aware of how hungry some members of their gang always were. It’s those kids who cycle back through the kitchen foraging for more chips, or more birthday cake, or more soda, even when the birthday games are in full swing.

We’ve all seen this, or something like it. When we think of these children, it’s easier to see that hunger is truly a BIOLOGICALLY loaded internal cue. These kids do not have “weak wills”; they are not lacking in moral fortitude! The whole burden of blame that we tend to lay on ourselves as adults for our weight challenges seems more transparently absurd when we think about it in the context of kids.

Overweight kids are hungry, period. They’re driven by strong internal cues, of which they’re completely unaware, that are both discoverable and modifiable. In fact, many of these kids have high levels of insulin resistance from an unfortunate combination of a genetic predisposition (to diabetes) and a “carboholic” environment, in which not just soda and fast food but fruit juice, fruit products, and packaged food laden with high fructose corn syrup have become so much the norm that we don’t even “see” it as abnormal anymore. (For more information by Dr. Gulick on insulin resistance, check out this additional article, “Helping Overweight Kids: Could the Culprit be Insulin Resistance?”

But What to Do!?
The bottom line is, we need to get kids to eat food that’s good for them. Parents often tell me, with respect to even their smallest children, they just can’t get them to eat vegetables and they can’t stand the amount of whining, pressuring and pestering they get to buy the junk food, fast food, and soda. In response to this, there’s a marvelous story to tell about a study done with pigeons.

Pigeons are quite easily trained to peck an orange circle on the floor of their cage if they’re rewarded with a grain of rice each time they do so. On the other hand, if the researcher stops rewarding them, they continue to peck in expectation of the grain of rice, for approximately 19 more times. After that, they give up. It’s quite predictable. They can and do learn that it’s futile to peck any more: 19 pecks, plus or minus and it’s over.

On the other hand, if that pigeon is given a grain on the 19th peck, then the pigeon will go 90 more times pecking on the orange circle in an attempt to gain the grain again. Intermittent rewards are the most reinforcing. The gambling industry has studied this carefully and makes huge profits off this essential animal behavioral characteristic. Witness the ubiquitous slot machines.

How to apply this to parenting? If you’re going to have SOME candy in your child’s life, make a ritual of it, make it fun, have it be your “special day,” but have it be predictable, foreseeable, anticipatable. The child then learns there is no candy on any other days–just on Halloween or on birthdays, Christmas and Valentine’s, or whatever you decide. Pick your rituals, make your boundaries, and then stick to them. If you stick to your guns, the pecking and whining will exhaust itself much sooner than if you give in intermittently. Relenting occasionally is the worst-case scenario. It leads to parental “death by pecking” from the child’s whining that’s been reinforced occasionally. The child will play you–just like a slot machine.

What If My Child HATES Vegetables!?
With respect to the ubiquitous complaint that children just despise vegetables no matter how they are served, Sarah Fragoso, who wrote the cookbook Everyday Paleo, has a great suggestion: namely that you involve your kids in the game or the craft, the PROJECT of preparing or even picking a vegetable from the market. “When your kids sit on the counter with you, and you give them a job and make them feel important, and don’t focus on the fact that you’re prepping broccoli and chicken—if you have them choose the spices and stir it and make a big fuss over what they’ve accomplished. . . well, it’s amazing what kids will do if you let them help you,” Fragoso says.

Use your imagination with respect to how you can make your vegetable “project” more akin to a craft project that you will build or create together. Once kids are involved with vegetables from the picking of them at the store or off your porch window box, they are much more invested in embracing the outcome of their culinary explorations.

Get Healthy! A Few Tips from Dr. Gulick:
So, what is clear through all my experience and research is this:

  • Eat more protein for breakfast. It keeps you satisfied longer. Simple carbs (like most breakfast cereals) stimulate hunger. Hard-boiled eggs can be eaten in the car, too, if necessary.
  • Less, or better yet, NO soda or fruit juices. Drink water, water, water! Try zero-low calorie flavored waters. Some even taste like soda!
  • Have healthy snacks READY. String cheese, veggies, plain yogurt sweetened with berries and a little honey or Stevia, etc. Try Veggie Cars! (Celery sticks with peanut butter, sliced carrots for wheels and a few raisins for the passengers!) Now there’s an irresistible veggie craft project!

Dr. Kathy, back here with you! Many thanks to Dr. Gulick for her comments. I would like to add one last tip: Exercise, exercise, exercise! There is NO excuse. Start with 10-minute walks, three times a day. Make the walks family time. Do it until it doesn’t feel right NOT to do it. It doesn’t take long. Or get your family hooked on hiking, biking, rafting, skiing, whatever.

Also, if you feel you need a little boost to get started on your path to healthy eating, get empowered with “Personal Power” as outlined in our January emPower Monthly. If you remember from that issue, intention is everything! Set your intention. Commit for 21 days. Then see the change become reality.

Here’s to your healthy family!

Dr. Kathy

P.S. The topic of healthy eating is near and dear to my heart. So much so, that I’m offering a free phone chat to talk more about it. See the details under “Webinars” at www.family-empower.com and join me on February 9th at noon!

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Supporting ALL Our Kids for a Quality Education

September 15, 2010 by

We Can Make the Difference When We Collaborate

I just heard that for the first time in the history of our country, this current generation of children will be less literate than the previous generation. And, as we all know, for the last several decades, we have not stacked up too well against 29 other industrialized nations, ranking 25th in math and 21st in science. US kids all falling behind in every category except confidence where they rate #1.

Where I heard this information was on the preview of a fantastic new movie coming out called Waiting for Superman. Check it out right now, even if you are busy. It made me cry, It made me want to storm the streets and say why and how did we let the education system get so bad for so many kids. A kids who doesn’t graduate high school is eight times more likely to go to prison. Is building more prisons the best answer we have to this problem?

What can we do?

  • Go see Waiting for Superman with a group at a discounted rate and be inspired.
  • Get involved in your school to make it the best it can be. Raise funds with your PTA so at least there will be more programs for the kids in your school, right now.
  • Let your kid’s teacher know how much you appreciate the work they do every day and help her/him out in every way you can.
  • Start a Parent Discussion Group using Raising Our Daughters/Sons focusing on how you, as a group, can contribute to make the school better. There are 100’s of ideas. You’ll know which ones are best for your families and your school.
  • Advocate for now and forever for school funding. It is incredibly valuable to change laws so school funding has a more stable base. No one advocates for children issues more effectively than Stand for Children
  • Join Stand for Children and donate your money and your time.They have six state chapters in Oregon, Arizona, Colorado, Massachusetts, Tennessee, and Washington and you can help from wherever you live. Check out their site for their incredible success over and over again at mobilizing people who care about kids to pass legislation that benefits our kids.

Maybe now is the time. Maybe this movie, Waiting for Superman, will be the tipping point we need to wake up this nation to support our kids to succeed, so we can all thrive.

Do we have the courage to collaborate so this can happen? What are your ideas? Share them hear for all of us to see.

In admiration for all you do,
Dr Kathy

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Supporting ALL Our Kids for a Quality Education

September 15, 2010 by

We Can Make the Difference When We Collaborate

I just heard that, for the first time in the history of our country, this current generation of children will be less literate than the previous generation. And, as we all know, for the last several decades, we have not stacked up too well against other industrialized nations, ranking 25th in math and 21st in science out of 30. US kids all falling behind in every category except confidence, where they rate a stellar #1.

Where I heard this information was on the preview of a fantastic new movie coming out called Waiting for Superman. Watch the preview right now, even if you are super busy. It made me cry, It made me want to storm the streets and ask, “Why and how did we let the education system get so bad for so many kids?

Granted, some of us are really lucky. We have some excellent schools here in Oregon with stellar teachers. My kids are proof of that. We can and must create more of those highly functioning schools across our state and nation. Another fact I picked up from Waiting for Superman was that a kid who doesn’t graduate from high school is eight times more likely to go to prison! So is the best strategy really to build more prisons?

What can we do?

  • Go see Waiting for Superman with a group and be inspired. Go with your friends.
  • Get involved in your school to make it the best it can be. Raise funds with your PTA so at least there will be more programs for the kids in your school, right now.
  • Let your kid’s teachers know how much you appreciate the work they do every day and help them out every way you can.
  • Start a Parent Discussion Group using Raising Our Daughters/Sons Parenting Guides focusing on how you, as a group, can contribute to make the school better. There are hundreds of ideas in these parenting guides. You’ll know which ones are best for your family and your school.
  • Advocate now and forever for school funding. It is incredibly valuable to change laws so school funding has a more stable base. No one advocates for childrens’ issues more effectively than Stand for Children
  • Join Stand for Children and donate your money and your time. They have six state chapters in Oregon, Arizona, Colorado, Massachusetts, Tennessee, and Washington. You can help from wherever you live. Check out their Web site for their incredible success over and over again at mobilizing people who care about kids to pass legislation that benefits our kids.

Maybe now is the time. Maybe this movie, Waiting for Superman, will be the tipping point we need to wake up this nation to support our kids to succeed, so we can all thrive. Do we have the courage to collaborate and back up our talk that we care about kids with some action so this can happen?

In admiration for all you do,
Dr Kathy

Let me know what is going on in your school, your city, your state, to make schools better for our kids. We will share it!

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The World’s Longest Umbilical Cord: Our Cell Phones

September 8, 2010 by

Can Cell Phones Lead to TOO Much Connection?

Last week my daughter, Kaitlin, called me to ask what she should do about ___. When I asked her the next day what it was about, she couldn’t remember either. Was it should I eat dinner at home or go out, buy tan or blue towels, go running or biking, or just vent about not feeling like studying for a medical school exam? What we did agree on was that it was something pretty inane and hardly worthy of the words used in the conversation.

We had a good laugh about it, especially when I told her I was about to write a blog about cell phones being the “world longest umbilical cord.” What is even more funny is that my daughter is 26 and about the most competent, independent, accomplished young adult I know (no bias, of course).

I was reminded about the over-dependency on cell phones in my last blog about creating peaceful school mornings by turning over responsibility to our kids. A turning point for my kids happened when they were 11 and 13 and missed the school bus. I was on rounds in the hospital. My husband was traveling. There were no cell phones. We were unavailable. So on their own, my kids decided to walk to school. It took them 2 hours. And they never missed the school bus again. This would have NEVER happened if cell phones were around. They would have called us for RESCUE and we would have figured a way to do it.

So it is tough out there for us parents. We helicopter: hover and rescue when we know our kids are suffering. It is deeply ingrained in our genetic code. And with cell phones we know EVERYTHING, even when our kid is agonizing over the miniature decision of whether to wear the red or blue shirt. Or when our kids call pleadingly to see if we will drive to school with the lunch, the homework, the earrings that match the red shirt, and …. One principal got so fed up with the giant pile of daily drop-offs that she banned parents from being allowed to drop stuff off. And miracles of miracles, the kids started remembering to bring the things in on their own.

So I just challenge you to just think about your 24-7 availability. It is wonderful for everyone to have cell phone access. It is unparalleled for safety and for connection.

Just consider having some times that you aren’t available to answer the phone. With a signal for emergencies that you work out with your kids, you just might have a little “me” time and your kids might have a little “independence” time.

With admiration for all you do,
Dr. Kathy

PS if you want to take a “Am I a Helicopter Parent?” Quiz, check out page 7:23 if you own a Raising Our Daughters or Raising Our Sons Parenting Guide . If not, just pop us a note and ask us for the quiz. We also have a blog and video interview on helicoptering last winter.

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Tilt Your Morning Routine on School Days to POSITIVE

August 25, 2010 by

I am amazed the power of a disorganized morning to “SIEZE the day.” And I don’t mean as in “Carpe Diem- making the most of life.” I mean mornings that are more like seized-up, off-kilter, full-tilt-craziness to frantically get every family member out the door in time. It takes half the day to calm down.

Do these school day scenarios sound familiar to you?

Jon sleeps right through his alarm clock. I have to go in several times and only when I yell really loud and get anxious, does anything happen.

Molly moves like molasses in the morning, watching cartoons while she slowly eats. Despite multiple reminders (ie nagging), she waits until the last 5 minutes to get dressed and often misses the bus. Then I HAVE to drive her to school.

If your family has struggled with mornings, commit now to exploring new approaches.

  • Get enough sleep: Separate “going to bed” from “going to sleep” to avoid power struggles you can’t win. No one can make anyone go to sleep. Find out how much sleep he needs, how much transition time he needs to fall asleep, and that establishes what time he gets into bed.
  • Allow enough time: find out how much time she needs to get out of bed (takes me 20 minutes to move), get dressed, eat, pack lunch, and get out the door smoothly- then add five minutes. That establishes what time she needs to get up.
  • Set an alarm: get out of the nag business now on this one. Even third graders can use it and for sure by 12. If the loudest alarm still does not wake your kid up, buy Sonic Boom alarm clock geared for the hearing-impaired.
  • NO TV in the AM: For sure, absolutely! No exceptions. Listen to the radio for news.
  • Over 12 years: anyone 12 and over is perfectly capable of ALL morning tasks needed: alarm, shower, dressing, breakfast, walk to bus. Get out of the way and you will foster responsibility in your kid.
  • Under 12 years: Those under 12 can gradually work up to doing everything themselves. I know some 4 year-olds that can do it all. Prepping the night before can help.
  • Carpool parents: It is OK to put shoes on and eat breakfast in the car, if it eases the routine. Heck, go to school in PJs. No judgment! No worries! No one will even know you did it (except the PJs).
  • Set up consequences that affect the kids: the outcome of being late and missing the bus has to be more painful for the kid than the parent or nothing will change. A basic premise of all of this is that the kids have to feel the pain of their choices not you. If they miss the bus and you drive, you are the only one feeling pain. This is a time when “short-term” pain for long-term gain” might apply. Maybe your kids are late for school, because you are “unavailable.” Maybe they pay for a taxi or at least pay you back in chores for your time spent driving. One time can be a charm. The last time my kids missed the bus they had to walk 3 miles to get to middle school. I was unavailable that morning (bcp- before cell phones).
  • Sit back with a cup of JAVA: be available for connection and love, be unavailable for “rescuing,” and watch it all happen like magic.

Finding a morning routine that works can be one of the most important gifts you can bring into your family life. The outcome is that everyone gets to start the day grounded, you get to be calm, and send the kids off with kisses and a peaceful heart.

For admiration for all you do,
Dr. Kathy

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What was your biggest take-away?
What action step do you plan to take?
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Enjoying Precious Moments with Your Family

August 6, 2010 by

Take Advantage of Using August as a Time to Kick-Back and Relax

Enjoying Precious Moments with Your Family is the feature article in our newly created emPower Monthly. Check it out.

Most of us long for a simpler life, especially us parents… when we take time for those important, non-urgent items that never seem to fit on the agenda. It seems to come easier when an external force imposes “slowing down” on us. Like when a good, thick January snow just shuts everything down around us. We can’t go to work, do errands, or carpool. We relax, read a magazine, get playful, or even sled and drink hot chocolate with our kids. Of course, it only lasts a few days before everything reeves back up again.

I had a wonderfully peaceful couple of months in the middle of our massive remodel. It was one of the sweetest, simplest times I had with the kids. Why? IT was another external force. We were relegated to a very small area of the house. The utility room was our kitchen with all open shelving for easily grabbing dishes, pots, and cooking ingredients. We had a stove top, fridge, and a sink and cooked on and ate from the butcher block in the middle of the room. In the second room, we all slept, did homework, watched movies, and wrote emails. I also minimized my volunteering and the kids outside activities. We went out to a buffet every Wednesday and went on walks to the park frequently to get some air.

We are now all in the midst of another external force, August, with no school, fewer sports activities, and more vacation time. Take advantage of this naturally imposed slow month to live at our natural rhythm, what I like to call “the speed of life.” If you can’t remember what it feels like, let your kids remind you. Schedule giant hunks of time to just hang out and do what you all feel like doing. A really hot day helps when it just feels good to do nothing but hang out by the pool or lake.

What is on your important, non-urgent list? What are some things you want to do with the kids but never find the time for? Perhaps you are hankering for some connecting time over art like building a paper Mache car, recycle-material-robot, or cardboard fort. Or if you are a more active-inclined family: going roller-skating, to the zoo, skipping rocks at the lack, camping in the backyard and reading a good book by flashlight on a comfortable mattress you dragged out.

Whatever you do, it is putting a structure in place for sweet, calm connection with your kids. It is these moments you will remember next year, and your kids may remember for a lifetime.

For admiration for all you do,
Dr. Kathy

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Parenting Advise: “Just Love Her” and Pause to Enjoy the Moment!

July 15, 2010 by

Wise Parenting Advise: “Just Love Her” and Pause to Enjoy the Moment, Says It All

Here is a very sweet story my friend Mary Jo Saavadra wrote a couple years ago that captures pretty much everything that I think is important as a parent. For the complete story and many more blogs, Mary Jo has a wonderful site you can visit at http://mjstabletalk.blogspot.com/.

…..My 18-year-old daughter is in Lima, Peru, finishing high school at the American school and I have traveled far to be with her. Actually, to support her in what is so far the biggest effort of her young life. College aps, IB diploma classes, and a spicy Latina social life that would over heat the most seasoned teenager. This all being the result of her adamant pursuit to experience her dad’s culture and immerse herself with her extended Peruvian family.

My role is to keep the calm and promote a “can-do” environment. In the 18 years of parenting this child, excuse me, this grown woman, I have learned one thing: I learn what I need to know about her when I am quiet and still, or in-other-words, accessible. When I am available to her while she has the need to grind out her fears about growing up over scrambled eggs, to plop down and tell me her latest story of romance, or when she invites me to lay across her bed while she types out a paper on the computer, cross legged on the floor looking very serious. These are the moments, in the quiet of my day, when I’m ready for her call, that I discover what makes her tick.

My mother once gave me some rare parenting advice when I was confronted with some baffling problem, tantrums I think it was, she said, “Just love her” and went on about her business. Panic and fear set-in when I realized that I was going to get nothing more, no pop-psychology, no tried-and-true discipline techniques, only those simple words. That was it. Well, it took me a while to figure out just how this advise would help, but then I realized how this is what she did while raising me. She gave me the best part of herself, her constant and accessible love. She was always around when I needed her and she had 5 children, so this was no easy feat.

Now, I look back over my daughter’s 18 years and I can see the sustainable importance of this advice and its desired effect on both of us. It was not my job to control my daughter, but to love her into what she is already designed to become. Only by my example will she learn anything worthwhile about me, and what I have to teach. So, here I am in Peru, away from my envious husband, allowing for quiet moments in a foreign country with my daughter.

This finely developed skill of accessibility has given birth to a new gift, my observation skills. They have developed into a heightened appreciation of that which unfolds around me. Very much like the blind woman who can hear the hummingbird outside her window. In place of my corporate years of being over scheduled and driven, now I choose to put a pause button into my life. Both phases of life are sweet, but each is better enjoyed when hard choices are made and I don’t try to do it all.

With my skill in using this pause button I now notice the trees swaying in the back yard of my Portland home, or the smile on my dog’s face as he rolls with unabashed pleasure on his back hoping I will walk by and rub his tummy. Boring for some who have not developed this skill, but for those of us who have it there is unexpected delight in awareness at every corner. I have taken hold of my time by letting it go. My mother’s sweet words allowed me to learn the art of being in the moment, and my life is fuller, fuller in “the glass is half full” kind of way. For the first time in my life I am not missing a thing!…..

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Believe it Parents: You Are the Expert!

July 2, 2010 by

You Are the Expert When It Comes to Parenting Your Kid

I wondered what would Family Empowerment Network meets Oprah look like? Oprah asked people to share their dream, their passion and turn it into a TV show that would be on her network. What would it be like to have millions of empowered parents around the whole country, all focusing their support beyond their own family, to others families too. So I created a little video for the Oprah contest which you can all get a glimpse of.

CHECK OUT: Believe It Parents: You Are the Expert. Have fun watching. You can even VOTE for or COMMENT on my show to actually be an Oprah show. Contest ends July 3.

Discussion:
Here is the show:
Believe it Parents: You Are the Expert!
The dream behind our show is to empower parents to believe in themselves so they can build a community where our kids can thrive. We believe that parents know what works best for their kids. They don’t need experts, they need inspiration, insights, and each other. With just a little encouragement to pay attention to what is working or not, to take care of themselves and to discuss parenting issues in safe spaces, parents learn from and support each other. Every show we will model authentic, open discussion with a group of real parents on topics you can take to your community. Every week, we’ll have a tip for change, explore the values behind behavior in our communication challenges, and even have a chance for you to share your best parenting idea. On this show- we believe it. Now you need to on Believe it Parents: You Are the Expert. Tell your friends about us and start building your community right now!

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If I knew then what I know now,
I would have done video blogs before now to spread the word about how parents can support each other to prevent problems.
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What was your biggest take-away?
What action step do you plan to take?
What additional questions do you have about this topic?

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Take Back the Summer with Your Family

June 2, 2010 by

Your Family Can Spend This Summer Connecting More

Last summer seemed so hectic, with kid’s camps and sport teams. And the kids were constantly fighting to watch more TV.

Discussion:

Join in on a “Take Back the Summer” campaign to leave our busy lives at bay for a few weeks, soak up the warm summer rays and just “chill with our kids.” Do what they want. Do what you want. Be flexible.. You can do this in your family or even involve your whole neighborhood. The common goal is to create a sense of community awareness among people who want to regain control of their own lives, homes, neighborhoods and culture.

Think about it.

  • What if we decided to make Sunday afternoon family time with no lawn mowing or chores? We decide together what we will do.
  • What if we decided on something as simple as turning off the television one night a week and playing family games instead?
  • What if this year, nobody worries about how we look in a swimsuit and instead decides to have fun? What freedom!
  • Maybe one night a week the neighborhood children play groups games together.
  • What if the whole family did a volunteer project together?
  • How about a neighborhood block party where not only families with children are invited, but all generations participate? At one 4th of July party, everyone brings their own utensils, drinks, meat to barbecue, and a salad or dessert to share and it takes the burden completely off the hosts so it is equally fun for everyone.

In the end it might not have worked as you intended, the important things is that we take a step. Just taking the time to think of what we might do is an incredibly important step and not always easy in the fast-paced life we lead. Sharing this with our friends and neighbors makes it more fun, and more importantly, it allows the feeling of empowerment to grow. We can make a difference!

We all yearn to be together more, to relax more and to have more fun together. Seeing our children play outside rather than watch television strikes a chord in all of us. Actions like these can give us power and hope. They can encourage us to take bigger steps toward reclaiming our families and our lives.

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If I knew then what I know now,
I would have played more in the summers.
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Filed Under: Parenting Tips Tagged With: , , , ,
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