Can Cell Phones Lead to TOO Much Connection?
Last week my daughter, Kaitlin, called me to ask what she should do about ___. When I asked her the next day what it was about, she couldn’t remember either. Was it should I eat dinner at home or go out, buy tan or blue towels, go running or biking, or just vent about not feeling like studying for a medical school exam? What we did agree on was that it was something pretty inane and hardly worthy of the words used in the conversation.
We had a good laugh about it, especially when I told her I was about to write a blog about cell phones being the “world longest umbilical cord.” What is even more funny is that my daughter is 26 and about the most competent, independent, accomplished young adult I know (no bias, of course).
I was reminded about the over-dependency on cell phones in my last blog about creating peaceful school mornings by turning over responsibility to our kids. A turning point for my kids happened when they were 11 and 13 and missed the school bus. I was on rounds in the hospital. My husband was traveling. There were no cell phones. We were unavailable. So on their own, my kids decided to walk to school. It took them 2 hours. And they never missed the school bus again. This would have NEVER happened if cell phones were around. They would have called us for RESCUE and we would have figured a way to do it.
So it is tough out there for us parents. We helicopter: hover and rescue when we know our kids are suffering. It is deeply ingrained in our genetic code. And with cell phones we know EVERYTHING, even when our kid is agonizing over the miniature decision of whether to wear the red or blue shirt. Or when our kids call pleadingly to see if we will drive to school with the lunch, the homework, the earrings that match the red shirt, and …. One principal got so fed up with the giant pile of daily drop-offs that she banned parents from being allowed to drop stuff off. And miracles of miracles, the kids started remembering to bring the things in on their own.
So I just challenge you to just think about your 24-7 availability. It is wonderful for everyone to have cell phone access. It is unparalleled for safety and for connection.
Just consider having some times that you aren’t available to answer the phone. With a signal for emergencies that you work out with your kids, you just might have a little “me” time and your kids might have a little “independence” time.
With admiration for all you do,
Dr. Kathy
PS if you want to take a “Am I a Helicopter Parent?” Quiz, check out page 7:23 if you own a Raising Our Daughters or Raising Our Sons Parenting Guide . If not, just pop us a note and ask us for the quiz. We also have a blog and video interview on helicoptering last winter.
Hi! I’m Dr. Kathy. Welcome to my website! Although Family Empowerment Network is formally closed, we want to keep these resources available to you. Our belief is that parents are the most wise and intuitive about what is best for their children. However, parents sometimes need the support of effective, timeless, compassionate parenting information and strategies. On this website you will find our three parenting books on boys, girls, and kids’ social lives and ten years of monthly newsletter articles. In addition, a powerful, under-recognized resource is the support of other parents. Here you will find how to use our books as discussion guides for monthly self-led parenting groups. One last resource: I am still available to give talks and workshops.
