I am amazed the power of a disorganized morning to “SIEZE the day.” And I don’t mean as in “Carpe Diem- making the most of life.” I mean mornings that are more like seized-up, off-kilter, full-tilt-craziness to frantically get every family member out the door in time. It takes half the day to calm down.
Do these school day scenarios sound familiar to you?
Jon sleeps right through his alarm clock. I have to go in several times and only when I yell really loud and get anxious, does anything happen.
Molly moves like molasses in the morning, watching cartoons while she slowly eats. Despite multiple reminders (ie nagging), she waits until the last 5 minutes to get dressed and often misses the bus. Then I HAVE to drive her to school.
If your family has struggled with mornings, commit now to exploring new approaches.
- Get enough sleep: Separate “going to bed” from “going to sleep” to avoid power struggles you can’t win. No one can make anyone go to sleep. Find out how much sleep he needs, how much transition time he needs to fall asleep, and that establishes what time he gets into bed.
- Allow enough time: find out how much time she needs to get out of bed (takes me 20 minutes to move), get dressed, eat, pack lunch, and get out the door smoothly- then add five minutes. That establishes what time she needs to get up.
- Set an alarm: get out of the nag business now on this one. Even third graders can use it and for sure by 12. If the loudest alarm still does not wake your kid up, buy Sonic Boom alarm clock geared for the hearing-impaired.
- NO TV in the AM: For sure, absolutely! No exceptions. Listen to the radio for news.
- Over 12 years: anyone 12 and over is perfectly capable of ALL morning tasks needed: alarm, shower, dressing, breakfast, walk to bus. Get out of the way and you will foster responsibility in your kid.
- Under 12 years: Those under 12 can gradually work up to doing everything themselves. I know some 4 year-olds that can do it all. Prepping the night before can help.
- Carpool parents: It is OK to put shoes on and eat breakfast in the car, if it eases the routine. Heck, go to school in PJs. No judgment! No worries! No one will even know you did it (except the PJs).
- Set up consequences that affect the kids: the outcome of being late and missing the bus has to be more painful for the kid than the parent or nothing will change. A basic premise of all of this is that the kids have to feel the pain of their choices not you. If they miss the bus and you drive, you are the only one feeling pain. This is a time when “short-term” pain for long-term gain” might apply. Maybe your kids are late for school, because you are “unavailable.” Maybe they pay for a taxi or at least pay you back in chores for your time spent driving. One time can be a charm. The last time my kids missed the bus they had to walk 3 miles to get to middle school. I was unavailable that morning (bcp- before cell phones).
- Sit back with a cup of JAVA: be available for connection and love, be unavailable for “rescuing,” and watch it all happen like magic.
Finding a morning routine that works can be one of the most important gifts you can bring into your family life. The outcome is that everyone gets to start the day grounded, you get to be calm, and send the kids off with kisses and a peaceful heart.
For admiration for all you do,
Dr. Kathy
Get our emPower Monthly email by signing up on our home page at Family Empowerment Network
What was your biggest take-away?
What action step do you plan to take?
What additional questions do you have about this topic?
Hi! I’m Dr. Kathy. Welcome to my website! Although Family Empowerment Network is formally closed, we want to keep these resources available to you. Our belief is that parents are the most wise and intuitive about what is best for their children. However, parents sometimes need the support of effective, timeless, compassionate parenting information and strategies. On this website you will find our three parenting books on boys, girls, and kids’ social lives and ten years of monthly newsletter articles. In addition, a powerful, under-recognized resource is the support of other parents. Here you will find how to use our books as discussion guides for monthly self-led parenting groups. One last resource: I am still available to give talks and workshops.
