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Alex opened the semi-nude photos that Laurie sent to his cell phone. Later she sent more, a video clip of herself doing a striptease. She seemed happy to do it as a “gift” to Alex. Alex’s buddy saw the open email box and forwarded the images on to his friends. Soon everyone had a copy.
Discussion:
I just heard about the prevalance of sexting: sending pornographic images via cell phone. You might wonder why I want to talk about this. Here are a few stories:
- A 15 year old girl was charged as a “child pornographer” for texting a nude photo of herself to a boyfriend.
- One 10th grader received four requests for nude photos from boys in her class.
- One 7th grader found out the nude photo she was talked into giving to an adult man were posted on several pornography sites, for the world, including her classmates, to discover.
It is prevalent. A survey of teens and young adults released last week reported that 1 in 5 teens and 1 in 3- 20-somethings–have electronically sent or posted online nude or semi-nude pictures or videos of themselves.
I want to talk about this from a prevention point of view- to support you to catch it before it happens with your kids.
For the most part our kids are trusting and open, which is why Facebook and My Space are so prevalent. They do not share the privacy tendency of their parents and grandparents.
The Internet has led to a rampant increase in both bullying and pornography. The “shame factor” that used to keep people “in check” is no longer there. Kids think they can do things anonymously on-line and on their phone. At a superficial level they do get away with it. What they don’t realize is that everything they do can be traced, with the right know-how. What they don’t realize is that everything they do on the Internet and on their phone is like a “digital tattoo,” that cannot be removed. It is forever and it can spread to millions.
So back to sexting. A nude photo is valuable information. Information is like gold in the pre-teen and teen years. Why not ask for a nude photo from a girl? Why not give it if you are the girl. It is fun. It is hot. It may get you some major attention/ popularity points.
Many times nude photos are sent by girlfriend as a “gift” to their boyfriends. Girls trust it will just go to the one boy as he promised. They don’t get the power they just handed over to him or friends who have access to his computer.
What to do? Talk to your kids now!
- Ask them to tell you about it. What do they know? How prevalent is it? Have they ever heard of it happening to one of their friends? What do they think about it?
- Share your concerns. Teens might resist the idea at first and be very uncomfortable about the whole conversation, but they are listening. This is not a “Do what I say talk.” Your kids have incredible freedom on the Internet and cell phone and we need the screen to be between their ears, not external to themselves.
- You could take this as an opportunity to be clear about your values. You could talk with them about the dividing line between public and private.
- Talk about the concept of a “digital tattoo.” Nothing in cyberspace ever gets deleted. What if a future employer saw the photos?
References:
The Middle Ages: Young people, texting and sexting, Susan Reimer, The Baltimore Sun, 6 January 2009.
“Anatomy of a Child Pornographer,”‘What happens when adults catch teenagers “sexting” photos of each other? The death of common sense.’ Nancy Rommelmann, Reason Magazine, July 2009
Amanda Lenhart, Teens and Sexting: How and why minor teens are sending sexually suggestive nude or nearly nude images via text messaging, Pew Internet and American
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If I knew then what I know now,
I’d still find this hard to believe. Maybe in the future everyone will have a nude photo of themselves somewhere on the Web.
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What was your biggest take-away?
What action step do you plan to take?
What additional questions do you have about this topic?
Hi! I’m Dr. Kathy. Welcome to my website! Although Family Empowerment Network is formally closed, we want to keep these resources available to you. Our belief is that parents are the most wise and intuitive about what is best for their children. However, parents sometimes need the support of effective, timeless, compassionate parenting information and strategies. On this website you will find our three parenting books on boys, girls, and kids’ social lives and ten years of monthly newsletter articles. In addition, a powerful, under-recognized resource is the support of other parents. Here you will find how to use our books as discussion guides for monthly self-led parenting groups. One last resource: I am still available to give talks and workshops.
