Part 3 of 5—Creating A Stronger Parent-Child Relationship

The Power of Connection:  Communicating Commuters

“I am driving my kids from one activity to the other with no breathing time.
How can I find the time to connect with them?”

Discussion:
When it comes to connection, sometimes the solution is right under our nose.  Riding in the car with your kids is an incredible time to connect—whether it is sitting side-by-side in silence or chatting away.  Boys especially feel safer sharing information when sitting shoulder to shoulder with someone, rather than face-to-face. Sometimes it is just listening to the dialog going on between your child and his/her friends.  They often seem to forget who is in the car and share some amazing information.

My friend, Sharon Mater, author, editor, software tester, and mother of two, shares her experience of “Communicating Commuters”:

For years, my children and I often left home before 8 in the morning not to return until after 10 at night.  Various school and after-school activities keep us occupied and “on the road.”  Needless to say we do not have that magical time after school for cookies and milk and the opportunity to debrief the day.  Nor do we often have the opportunity to sit down together for a family dinner.  More likely we are racing from one location to another trying to meet a schedule, and usually running late.

Quality family time is not the particular activity we are doing together.  Any activity can be quality time, or not.  A family dinner can be devastating if family members treat each other disrespectfully, or what is often viewed as wasted time, such as sitting in a doctor’s waiting room, or driving in traffic, can be of spectacular quality.  It’s what we make of it!  That wonderful sense of family and relationship must happen when we are busy living our lives, not only when we set aside time (which we often don’t have) to do something special.

Oddly enough, this hectic pace gives us some of our best quality time.  We spend hours together in the car.  Aside from the obvious need to pay attention to traffic, we have no other distractions.  We aren’t bothered by household chores, by endless telephone conversation, or by dinner decisions and preparation.  All we have is each other.  We can talk about anything and everything.  Our conversations might range from what happened at school that day, to dealing with a personal trauma, to a costume we are making, to a deep philosophical discussion about assisted suicide.  This has proven to be the time to share our secrets.  We laugh, we cry, we sing, we plan.  We get to know each other!

I believe that getting to know each other, and more importantly to respect each other, is what really matters in families today.  Professionals are constantly telling us that quality time with our children is so important and that the single greatest strength that a family has is its relationships with one another.  We also hear that the average family spends only a few minutes a day in meaningful interaction.

Care to go for a ride?

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If I knew then what I know now, I would have …
Used our car driving time more fruitfully with all mechanical devices turned off (mine included).
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With admiration for all you do,

Dr. Kathy

Kathy Masarie, MD
Pediatrician, Parent, and Life Coach
Author of the Parenting Guides Raising Our Daughters and Raising Our Sons

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