Creating a Meaningful Holiday Season: The Finale

December 29, 2009 by

Take the Time to Reflect On What Worked and Did Not Work This Year.

“Molly did not have fun this holiday and was ready to do it differently. It was just too, too much this year: too much food, too much shopping, too much money spent, too many holiday outings, too much cooking …”

Discussion:
The most important step to have the holiday season be what you want next year is to take the time to evaluate your experiences this year. Get in touch with what you long for and dream about. Once you know what you want, the steps to reach your goals will become more clear. Look back over each holiday activity and evaluate: “What do I want to be different next year?”

  • Write out a description of your responses to this question and put an assignment on your calendar to read those notes in early November, 2010. Nothing has to be sudden. You can, for instance, gradually reduce your focus on gifts over a five-year period.
  • Get other family members involved and support each other’s goals.
  • If you want more ideas, check out: Unplug the Christmas Machine: A Complete Guide to Putting Love and Joy Back into the Season by Jo Robinson and Jean Coppock Staeheli.

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If I knew then what I know now,
I would have established a yearly date with my husband dedicated to creating a meaningful holiday season. As the kids got older, I would have included them.
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With admiration for all you do,

Dr. Kathy

Kathy Masarie, MD
Pediatrician, Parent, and Life Coach
Author of Raising Our Daughters and Raising Our Sons

Subscribe to our blog today for ongoing support in your parenting.

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Merry Christmas To All!

December 25, 2009 by

Have a Merry Christmas and a Wonderful Day With Your Family!

Contemplations on this special day …

“The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree is the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.”–Burton Hills

“In family life, love is the oil that eases friction, the cement that binds us closer together, and the music that brings harmony.”–Eva Burrows

“Family faces are magic mirrors looking at people who belong to us, we see the past, present, and future.”–Gail Lumet Buckley

May All Your Holidays Be Merry and Bright!

Dr. Kathy

Kathy Masarie, MD
Pediatrician, Parent, and Life Coach
Author of the Parenting Guides Raising Our Daughters and Raising Our Sons

Subscribe to our blog today for ongoing support in your parenting.

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Part 5 of 5—Creating a Meaningful Holiday Season

December 22, 2009 by

Teaching “It Is Better To Give Than To Receive.”

Karli asked, “Dad, why do people say, ‘It is better to give than to receive.’ I love all the presents I get. What is more fun than that?”

Discussion:
In addition to the “gimmees,” many families struggle with how to teach their children the power of giving. An incredible gift to your kids is to show them, first-hand, how wonderful it feels to be helpful to someone in need. The research on volunteering is clear. Happy people invest more hours in volunteer service than unhappy people, according to Throits and Hewitt, authors of “Volunteer Work and Well-Being,” ( J. of Health and Social Behavior, June, 2001). Daniel Gilbert, author of Stumbling On Happiness, says people actually feel a rush of happiness when they help others.

As a family, agree you are going to give time or goods to your favorite charity. You can also give a gift to a family less fortunate than yours—your school counselor and teachers are excellent resources for names of families in need. If you do prepare a gift box, get input from each of your children as to what foods should go into the box and shop together for the grocery items.

You can also strengthen each kids’ philanthropic nature by getting them involved in deciding what non-profits to donate to each year. Each child could research and pick out his or her favorite.

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If I knew then what I know now,
I would have established an annual family meeting to decide what volunteer project we wanted to get involved in.
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With admiration for all you do,

Dr. Kathy

Kathy Masarie, MD
Pediatrician, Parent, and Life Coach
Author of Raising Our Daughters and Raising Our Sons

Subscribe to our blog today for ongoing support in your parenting.

Filed Under: Parenting Tips Tagged With: , ,

Part 4 of 5—Creating a Meaningful Holiday Season

December 18, 2009 by

Build Connection and Fun with Holiday Traditions

“When Amber thinks of her favorite memories of the holidays, it isn’t the presents. It is having Grandma and Grandpa there and going sledding on the day after Christmas, complete with hot cocoa.”

Discussion:
When you think of your holidays growing up it is not the stuff you got that you remember, it is the rituals … cookie making, the trip in the snow to get the best tree, the caroling.

Take some time to think of just one thing you would most want to change about the way you celebrate, one activity you would really enjoy doing that you never find time for, or some other activity you find meaningful. Sit down with the kids and brainstorm what each of them likes to do: putting a candle in the window each night, looking at Christmas lights, seeing Tuba Christmas or some other annual performance, volunteering together in a soup kitchen, reading in front of the fire, going caroling, hosting game night, pondering over a puzzle, remembering special foods.

Now calendar the list of favorites and establish family traditions by repeating the activities you love, letting go of ones that are no longer fun, and experimenting with new ones, such as:

  • Connecting with your favorite families by hosting a potluck dinner and craft making evening.
  • Getting the kids involved in the baking and food preparation. What is the food each member of the family most loves?
  • Collecting your gift monies over the year in one pot and taking an awesome family trip over the holiday season.
  • Making homemade decorations for your tree: string popcorn and cranberries, make paper cut-outs, decorate tangerines with cloves, bake cut-out cookies for hanging.
  • Making holiday decorations, bread dough ornaments, gingerbread houses, holiday vests for stuffed animals, advent calendars out of match-boxes filled with little holiday collages.

    • Check out www.newdream.org/holiday/index.php for more ideas.

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    If I knew then what I know now,
    I would have let go of what stressed me out and gotten in tune with what I truly enjoyed in the holiday season.
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    With admiration for all you do,

    Dr. Kathy

    Kathy Masarie, MD
    Pediatrician, Parent, and Life Coach
    Author of Raising Our Daughters and Raising Our Sons

    Subscribe to our blog today for ongoing support in your parenting.

    Filed Under: Parenting Tips Tagged With: , ,

    Part 3 of 5—Creating a Meaningful Holiday Season

    December 15, 2009 by

    Begin Thoughtful Gift-Giving

    “As Sally sat in exhaustion looking over all the Christmas presents she bought in a frenzy and still had to wrap, she felt disconnected from the feelings of connection, joy, and peace she longed for. She vowed she would put effort into heartfelt, meaningful gifts the next year.”

    Discussion:
    Meaningful gifts require thoughtfulness and time. The first step begins with carving out time: reduce stress, ease up on housework and cooking, and reduce the volume of gifts you are dealing with. The second step is planning ahead. Ideally pay attention to what loved ones and friends mention throughout the year. Or sit down and think about the individual and brainstorm what might be a really good gift for them. Include your kids in the planning and thought process.

  • Think about giving gifts that foster family interactions such as games (try Apples to Apples), a box of dress-up clothes, a kid’s cookbook, or a tool box. My kids spent more time with the dress-up box than any other toy they ever owned—from playing house in preschool to shooting movies in high school.
  • Bond as a family by making gifts. Make a card or a calendar. For extended family, paste a collage of favorite family photos of the year onto an 11” x 17” paper and laminate it for placemats. Make goodie baskets with cut-out cookies, home-made mustard, and banana bread. (Chip’s Hot Sweet Mustard: Blend 1 cup vinegar, 1 cup sugar, 2 oz dry mustard, and 6 eggs then cook over low heat to desired thickness. Put in small glass jars saved over the year. It will be a hit.)
  • Host a party to make gingerbread houses or have a cookie exchange.
  • Kids can give gifts of time—free car wash, clean out the frig, do the dishes, clean out a junk drawer or two. Parents can do this too … free room clean, miniature golf date, “stay-up-one-hour-later-than-usual” certificates.
  • Wrap presents with brown shopping bags—decorated by the kids—or use left-over wallpaper, abandoned posters, your kid’s artwork, old maps, Sunday comics, etc.
  • Get Holiday Gifts Kids Can Make at $3.95 for more ideas at http://www.simpleliving.net/main/item.asp?itemid=664

    • No matter what you end up doing or not doing, give yourself kudos for being mindful and thoughtful this year.

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    If I knew then what I know now,
    I would have carved out time spread over the year for homemade gift-making.
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    With admiration for all you do,

    Dr. Kathy

    Kathy Masarie, MD
    Pediatrician, Parent, and Life Coach
    Author of the Parenting Guides Raising Our Daughters and Raising Our Sons

    Subscribe to our blog today for ongoing support in your parenting.

    Filed Under: Parenting Tips Tagged With: , ,

    Part 2 of 5—Creating a Meaningful Holiday Season

    December 11, 2009 by

    Happy Hanukkah!

    TAKING THE FOCUS OFF PRESENTS

    “Diana knew gift giving had gotten completely out-of-control when her 12-year-old gave her a list of 20 items she wanted, complete with brand names and prices listed in descending $$ order. With a tight budget, she was worried about how disappointed her kids would be when they opened their gifts this year.”

    Discussion:
    This is a common dilemma for parents. They want their kids to be happy and to have a wonderful, fun holiday. Americans spent $460 billion in 2008 “buying” holiday happiness. Did it work? In the frenzy of gift opening, our children lose the simple and grateful experience of giving and receiving. Come January, many parents find the kids are not happier and are now discontent, longing for toys their friends got. Plus they may have gone into debt beyond their means. To top it off, parents may be passing on a spend-debt tradition to future generations.

    If you are ready to start taking the focus off presents, here are some ideas to consider:

  • Reduce the number of gifts (irrespective of what’s happening in other homes in your neighborhood).
  • Stick to a budget: decide how much you will spend. Create an envelope with the cash you want to spend for each person. When the envelope is empty, STOP.
  • Limit the amount you give each child to spend on siblings … say, $25.
  • Start a gift exchange with your extended family so there is time to focus on one quality, thoughtful gift.
  • Cut out gift-giving with the adults in the extended family and just give to the kids.
  • Establish a “no electronics” gift policy over the holidays. They tend to be expensive and to isolate kids when they go off to play with them. The brain is much better stimulated by reading than it is by electronics. Be sure each child on your list receives at least one book.
  • Choose toys and games that are consistent with your values on non-violence. Violence pervades our lives these days, and all of us, including our children, are becoming increasingly numb to it. Use the same reasoning for TV shows and movies you allow your children to watch.

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    If I knew then what I know now, I would have limited the volume and expense of presents when my kids were very young.
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    With admiration for all you do,

    Dr. Kathy

    Kathy Masarie, MD
    Pediatrician, Parent, and Life Coach
    Author of Raising Our Daughters and Raising Our Sons

    Subscribe to our blog today for ongoing support in your parenting.

    Filed Under: Parenting Tips Tagged With: , ,

    Part 1 of 5—Creating a Meaningful Holiday Season

    December 8, 2009 by

    Are you stressed out about the holiday season?

    “Kathy found herself dreading the holiday season. Life was busy enough with work and two young teenagers who had busy schedules of their own. Then ‘the holidays’–and everything that meant–arrived. She was so stressed and overwhelmed she did not know where to begin with the additional To Do’s. Even the FUN wasn’t fun.”

    Discussion:
    This story is actually about me ten years ago when I had a 13- and 15-year-old and was turning into a complaining, “bah-humbug” Scrooge right before my own eyes. When I decided to do something about it, I knew the stressful habits I had allowed into our lives could not be reversed overnight. I committed to “doing it differently” one step at a time. I focused first on how to make it less stressful. I “let go” wherever I could, especially lowering my standards for cooking and cleaning. Macaroni and cheese with a salad was a perfectly OK meal now and then. No one seemed to notice that the house was a little less clean. Every day I focused on staying calm and made sure I took care of myself. I made coffee dates with girlfriends, and I put daily exercise and relaxing time on the schedule right along with every other important “To Do.” The endorphins from exercise relaxed me and had the double impact of helping me retain a healthy weight over the holidays.

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    If I knew then what I know now, I would have …
    realized earlier that I could let go of a lot of “rules” I had imposed on myself.
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    With admiration for all you do,

    Dr. Kathy

    Kathy Masarie, MD
    Pediatrician, Parent, and Life Coach
    Author of the Parenting Guide’s Raising Our Daughters and Raising Our Sons

    Subscribe to our blog today for ongoing support in your parenting

    Filed Under: Family holiday traditions Tagged With: , ,

    Part 1 of 8—Ground Your Helicopter Parenting

    December 4, 2009 by

    DO YOUR HOVER?

    ““I left my job to devote to my 7-, 10- and 13-year-olds’ happiness and safety. All I do is drive, running each of them to 2-3 outside activities. I respond to their constant demands texted from their cell phones for forgotten homework, lunch, coat, even a favorite pencil. Whatever! Will they ever learn? And then all they say to me is, ‘Back off, Mom!’”

    Discussion:
    I bring up the question of helicopter parenting for two reasons. The topic is on the front cover of Time Magazine: “The Case Against Over-Parenting: Why Mom and Dad Need to Cut the Strings.” A second reason is the holiday season adds a layer of expectation and demand on our time, especially for a parent exhausted from over-parenting. It is a good time to address the possibility.

    I love Wikipedia’s definition of a helicopter parent: [Read more…]

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    Part 5 of 5—Creating a Stronger Parent-Child Relationship

    December 1, 2009 by

    Turning Off the TV Can Turn on Connection

    “Whenever there is downtime where we might have a chance to connect, my kids are begging to turn on the TV or play video games.”

    Discussion:
    I could talk forever about the negative influence of media in our lives. The average American kid spends 6.5 hours daily with media (TV, movies, games, Internet) according to a Kaiser Family Foundation 2005 study called Generation M: Media in the Lives of 8-18 Year-Olds. It’s probably worse now. My friend, Sarah Pope, now a child advocate at Stand for Children, shares an accidental discovery when the TV broke in her house when she was a teenager. Some families discover this same effect when their kids get an assignment at the end of April each year to practice “TV Turn-Off Week.” [Read more…]

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