Think back to the most exciting moments of your life. I would bet that all of them involved some time anticipating–building them up in your head so you would be able to savor them even more.

I recall one of my very favorite family vacations. It was a backpack trip for which Chip, my kids, and I spent hours over a map deciding where to go, adding new equipment to make it “even better,” and then hiking throughout the neighborhood with bricks in our backpacks to get in shape and to break in our new boots. Our imagination had kicked in, taking us into an expanded version of the many things that could happen. When the time finally came for the trip, we all were ready and eager, without a shred of doubt or fear. We were only going on one trip, but we had fun 1) looking forward to it and 2) actually doing it. It was like getting two trips for the price of one!

The very best “anticipation” often happens in the summer, especially in August. If you have children and can take a family vacation, life can slow down enough so there are long stretches of time between events.

When we take a break from our everyday world, we have time for anticipation. We are able to think about life in a day-dreamy, free-floating kind of way rather than focusing just on the events at hand and rushing half-ready to the next activity, and the next one. We can actually anticipate the get-togethers with friends and kids can actually anticipate their play dates with neighbors—thinking about all the possibilities of what might happen. We adults might even have time to think long-term and anticipate how to do things at work (or as a parent) differently–or the same–after our summer break. Holding thoughts and dreams in your head for even a little while gives them added sweetness, additional energy.

Kim John Payne, author of Simplicity Parenting, considers anticipation in the lives of kids critical. He eloquently captures what happens when a child has time to look forward to something: “They begin to make mental pictures. . . . It doesn’t matter that the reality . . . will differ from their images. Richness is accruing. Waiting for something with anticipation builds a child’s character. It shows them that they have powers equal to the power of their own desires. It shows them their inner strength, the strength of powerful waiting. Unchecked, our wills are like weeds, threatening to take over our whole spirits; invasive vines of desire for what we want (everything) when we want it (now). Anticipation holds back the will, it counters instant gratification. It informs a child’s development and growth and builds their inner life.”

The other parts of anticipation I love are:

• Its power as an antidote for stress. Like the Daniel Dennett quote suggests, when we are stressed by a difficult challenge ahead, we can anticipate the problems, break them down, come up with solutions, and get prepared for them. It is actually a mature way to deal with stress.
• Its power to motivate. When we desire something strongly, what we are really doing is anticipating all the wonderful ways we will feel when we get it. Hanging on to that outcome can keep us going through the painful steps to get there.

Today’s cultural mantra seems to be “I’m too busy.” Everyone–mom, dad, kids, even the baby–is busy going to and from one organized activity to the next, often attending everyone else’s activities. With art class, sports, music, language, homework, and tutoring, during the school year, there is hardly time for eating, let alone free play. Forget time for chores or time to rest or time to look forward to the next thing. There is barely enough time to enjoy the present. (If our kids are so revved up and maxed out now, what will they have to do to stay excited about their life in the future? Fly to the moon?! Whatever it is, it will probably cost loads of money, and they will need to work even harder than we do to fund their “habit of busy-ness.” )

If we as parents made the decision to cut by half the number of activities in which our children participate, we would be forging a path to allow anticipation into the lives of our children. Ultimately, they would enjoy each activity more, appreciate what they do get to do, and expect less. (I also think this would eliminate the complaint about kids feeling “entitled” that I hear so frequently from parents. Truly, I believe entitlement stems from our fast-paced, busy lifestyle—and that, if we were to simplify, kids would be happy with a lot less.) There also would be long-term benefits to choosing a slower, anticipation-rich lifestyle: It would reverberate and bring us peace.

August–with its natural, more relaxing, unstructured pace–is a great time to practice putting anticipation back into our lives. Both our internal and external worlds will prosper from it.

With hopes your August is filled with pauses for and stretches of anticipation,

Dr. Kathy