Research insights into why it’s hard for families today
“Mindy is so frustrated. She works so hard to keep her family close and connected. Now that her kids are in middle school, it seems that outside forces are taking over. She is constantly after them to turn off the computer and the TV, and go outside to play.”
Discussion:
We live in a culture with forces pulling the family in different directions and where our extended family lives far away. We invest time and energy to counteract this and sometimes go overboard, over-protecting our kids to the point that we hamper them. Although strong bonds within a family are extremely important, we all intuitively know our children need even more to thrive.
When our kids were young, we found a community to support us easily; sharing what worked and didn’t with other parents in our babysitting coop. As our kids got older, we all got busier and we became embarrassed about what our kids were doing. Talking about how our kid was caught drinking, may send the other parent flying, to “keep her kid away from yours.” So we stay quiet, feeling inept, isolated and worried. We need a force to hold us together. Building a community, a village…connections and safe havens with others outside the family, can be that force. That is what this blog series addresses.
What does the research say that helps us understand why it is harder than ever before to provide a safety net of support for our kids?
A study by the International Leadership Institute at ww.leadered.com, shares why just the basics of instilling core values is challenging in the US. Compared to Europe and Japan where family and religion are the top two source of values, in the US they are a distant third and fourth. In the US, media is the front-runner. National leaders are number two, but before you get excited about that, the “leaders” kids look to are sports heroes and entertainers.
And the next study explains the power of media in our kids’ lives. Kaiser Family Foundation released Generation M2 in January, 2010. In five short years, media use is up from 6 ½ to 7 ½ hours/day in the life of the average kid. The hours spent are 5 on TV/movies; 2 ½ on music, 1 ½ on computers, 1 ¼ on video games, and ½ on print. This adds up to 10 ¾ hours of media exposure but with multi-tasking it actually takes up 7 ½ hours of their day, seven days a week. Whoa! How did we adults allow this to happen? And with $100+ billion dollars to spend on anything they want, kids are now #1 target of advertisers. Advertises have learned that marketing “cool” at kids is the key, as the PBS video, Merchants of Cool, so clearly outlines.
A University of Michigan Survey Research Center looked at how family time for connection is challenged. From 1981 to 1997 women spend 12 weeks more per year working and each week and kids:
- Have 12 hours less free time
- Spend 5 hours sports and 3.5 hours watching a sib play sports
- Have 100% drop in household conversations
- Have 33% fewer family dinners together
Add all this together, and you can see why we parents are feeling like we identify with the headliner “Parents versus the World.” What happens is:
- Parents feel confused about what is best for their child
- Parents feel worried about safety and well-being
- Worried and confused parents hover
- We are beginning to see that hovering and helicopter parenting are detrimental to the well-being of our children. (see January, 2010 blogs and videos on Helicopter Parenting).
Where do we go now? Next blog will share the research that gives us insight into what the critical ingredients are that support our kids to thrive and be safe.
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If I knew then what I know now,
I would have understood why parenting felt so challenging at times.
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Hi! I’m Dr. Kathy. Welcome to my website! Although Family Empowerment Network is formally closed, we want to keep these resources available to you. Our belief is that parents are the most wise and intuitive about what is best for their children. However, parents sometimes need the support of effective, timeless, compassionate parenting information and strategies. On this website you will find our three parenting books on boys, girls, and kids’ social lives and ten years of monthly newsletter articles. In addition, a powerful, under-recognized resource is the support of other parents. Here you will find how to use our books as discussion guides for monthly self-led parenting groups. One last resource: I am still available to give talks and workshops.
