Turning Off the TV Can Turn on Connection

“Whenever there is downtime where we might have a chance to connect, my kids are begging to turn on the TV or play video games.”

Discussion:
I could talk forever about the negative influence of media in our lives. The average American kid spends 6.5 hours daily with media (TV, movies, games, Internet) according to a Kaiser Family Foundation 2005 study called Generation M: Media in the Lives of 8-18 Year-Olds. It’s probably worse now. My friend, Sarah Pope, now a child advocate at Stand for Children, shares an accidental discovery when the TV broke in her house when she was a teenager. Some families discover this same effect when their kids get an assignment at the end of April each year to practice “TV Turn-Off Week.” [Read more…]

KISS: Keep It Simple & Straighforward …

“There are times when I invest so much energy to keep my family happy with activities, I end up too exhausted to talk with anyone.”

Discussion:
One role I think all parents fall into is the “helper” or “fixer.”  If our kids are struggling, we take time to solve their problems; if they are bored, we take it on to provide entertainment.   There is no end to what we can do for our kids.  Often, it is the simple everyday interactions with our kids that mean the most to them, not the stimulating activity we took them to.  My friend, Kathy Kennedy, an OB/Gyn doctor and a mother of three, shares two simple yet powerful ideas [Read more…]

The Power of Connection:  Communicating Commuters

“I am driving my kids from one activity to the other with no breathing time.
How can I find the time to connect with them?”

Discussion:
When it comes to connection, sometimes the solution is right under our nose.  Riding in the car with your kids is an incredible time to connect—whether it is sitting side-by-side in silence or chatting away.  Boys especially feel safer sharing information when sitting shoulder to shoulder with someone, rather than face-to-face. Sometimes it is just listening to the dialog going on between your child and his/her friends.  They often seem to forget who is in the car and share some amazing information.

My friend, Sharon Mater, author, editor, software tester, and mother of two, shares her experience of “Communicating Commuters”:

For years, my children and I often left home before 8 in the morning not to return until after 10 at night.  Various school and after-school activities keep us occupied and “on the road.”  Needless to say we do not have that magical time after school for cookies and milk and the opportunity to debrief the day.  Nor do we often have the opportunity to sit down together for a family dinner.  More likely we are racing from one location to another trying to meet a schedule, and usually running late. [Read more…]

Decide to Stay Connected with Your Child

My daughter is 11 and I can feel it coming already—she is pushing me away. It seems her friends are so important to her. I am worried about losing the close relationship we have.

Discussion
We live in a culture that seems to tear the family apart. Mary Pipher, author of Reviving Ophelia, goes so far as to say our children are immersed in a “toxic culture,” an environment more interested in selling something to our kids than in their healthy development. It is a culture that is more focused on work, money, spending, and competition than in the well-being of our children. My friend Marta Mellinger, founder of The Canoe Group and mother of two children, shares her angst when her daughter was ten years old and what she did about it:

Ever since I became a parent, I’ve been told that the “work” of the teenager is to establish his or her independence. I’m of a generation that embraced the motto “Do Your Own Thing,” and there’s an attitude about parenting teenagers that goes along with that. I’ve heard it said that as my kids become middle schoolers, it’s going to be “hell.” People say the girls will push me away and, that by the time they reach high school, I won’t see them much, if at all. We’ll have fights; I won’t know them or their friends. The picture is of a path leading away from me, their father, and family life.

As my own ten-year-old daughter approaches adolescence, will I let her “do her own thing”? Will I accept that this “moving away” is part of these “hell years” and allow her to emotionally distance herself from me and the family as TV and movies tell her to, as much of our society tells both of us she should? Or do I take the risk to commit to sustaining our connection even when she doesn’t seem to want it? [Read more…]