Part 2: Bringing Healthy Sports into the Lives of Kids

Victory for Title IX and Girls and Women in Sports

Julia wanted to play college tennis, but when she got to school the team had been demoted to a club sport due to “lack of interest.”

Discussion:
Title IX has particular significance for me. It was passed the year after I graduated from high school.

Personally, I was lucky in the sports arena, growing up as an “army brat” with barracks of kids to play with and a baseball field across the street. I played baseball all spring and football all fall and every sport I could get my hands on in-between. I had a dad who thought girls could do anything. I had a high school that had swim team, track team and I was part of the first ski team. In college, I competed on the basketball, tennis and swim team.

Some of my friends did not fare so well, where girls just did not think about doing sports. No other girls did it and there were few opportunities. All that changed after Title IX and my daughter and her friends thrived. Women’s participation at the college level has increased more than 500 percent since Title IX’s enactment. Better still, these gains have not come at the expense of men, whose athletic opportunities have also increased since Title IX’s passage in 1972. We know that girls thrive when they participate in sports, and that the benefit of playing sports stays with them for years to come.

I was upset when Title IX powerful influence was gauged by a deeply flawed 2005 policy that allowed schools to count non-responses to the spam-like survey as a lack of interest in athletics. The AAUW (American Association of University Women) fought this, saying, “It not only created a major loophole through which schools could evade their Title IX obligations, it jeopardized the number of athletic opportunities available to women. “

All of this ended on April 20 when the Obama administration and Department of Education issued new guidance for Title IX, rescinding the 2005 policy. The new guidance returns to the previous standard, under which schools will consider a number of factors, including athletic participation rates at the secondary school levels and interviews with coaches, to ensure they are following Title IX requirements. Schools will have a much better road map for compliance, and women and girls will have a much better shot at fair play.

“Making Title IX as strong as possible is a no-brainer,” said Vice President Biden. “What we’re doing here today will better ensure equal opportunity in athletics, and allow women to realize their potential – so this nation can realize its potential.”

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If I knew then what I know now,
I would have encouraged my grade school girlfriends to play sport with me and the boys I played with.

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Let us know what you think.
Send us any questions you have.

Bringing Healthy Sports into the Lives of Kids

Learning Life Lessons through Sports

Bill really wanted his son to experience the fun of baseball the way he did as a kid. He was worried about the serious competitiveness that happened even in early grade school.

Discussion:
I want to share my friend John Child’s story as a coach of his 2 children to help us all remember the main point of sports for kids- to have fun.
John Child’s coaching style started with his management role at work. When he started a review with “you are doing ‘this’ wrong”, people would shut down and get defensive. So he started asking, “Tell me what you’re proud of.” and then asked, “What’s sub-par?” He found people to be surprisingly honest. It was easy for John to just “coach” them along to figure out solutions for improvement.
When John started coaching his child’s team—same thing happened. Kids shut down when told what they were doing wrong, not unlike the adults. Over time he developed a routine. Early in the season, after the first game, he starts the practice with what he thinks the team did well, then poorly as a team. Then he asks the kids to share something they were proud of and something they want to work on. He picks the kids with naturally out-going personalities first. Without fail, they pick something accurate in their self-critique. There are always 3-4 shy, non-athletic kids who find this process very painful, but John helps them through it. Every 2-3 games he repeats this, and gradually the shy ones have their hands up in the air as fast as the others. In addition, they start to critique themselves as a team and to see what the other team didn’t do as a team. This leads them to think for themselves on the field.

Team sports are a great place to learn life lessons.

  • We belong. In addition to their team name, the team develops a song and a banner. Each game the kid who tried especially hard takes the banner home (John starts this at age 9. Every kid gets picked by the end of the season).
  • Empowerment–everyone counts: If you show up to practice you get equal playing time.
  • Everyone does something well and even the “best” have their weak points. We want the kids to be proud of themselves and to be proud to be on the team. We want them to learn to critique themselves
  • Life is not fair. There will always be bad referees, people make mistakes. It is no big deal. (John deliberately makes bad calls in practice so they get used to it. “Bad calls” occur many times in life too.)
  • Winning is just a by-product, success is something more. John likes to start with his soccer teams early at the kindergarten coed level and stay with them until they enter classics or high school. His “average” caliber kids have a lot of fun and also win most of their games.

ATTENTION ADULTS
50% of kids drop out of youth sports by age 13.
Number one reason: “It’s not fun anymore.”
LIFE LESSON HAVE FUN!

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If I knew then what I know now, I would have stepped up to being a coach of my kids sports teams.
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What was your biggest take-away?
What action step do you plan to take?
What additional questions do you have about this topic?

MEDIA ALERT: SEXTING

SUBTITLE

Alex opened the semi-nude photos that Laurie sent to his cell phone. Later she sent more, a video clip of herself doing a striptease. She seemed happy to do it as a “gift” to Alex. Alex’s buddy saw the open email box and forwarded the images on to his friends. Soon everyone had a copy.

Discussion:
I just heard about the prevalance of sexting: sending pornographic images via cell phone. You might wonder why I want to talk about this. Here are a few stories:

  • A 15 year old girl was charged as a “child pornographer” for texting a nude photo of herself to a boyfriend.
  • One 10th grader received four requests for nude photos from boys in her class.
  • One 7th grader found out the nude photo she was talked into giving to an adult man were posted on several pornography sites, for the world, including her classmates, to discover.

It is prevalent. A survey of teens and young adults released last week reported that 1 in 5 teens and 1 in 3- 20-somethings–have electronically sent or posted online nude or semi-nude pictures or videos of themselves.

I want to talk about this from a prevention point of view- to support you to catch it before it happens with your kids.

For the most part our kids are trusting and open, which is why Facebook and My Space are so prevalent. They do not share the privacy tendency of their parents and grandparents.

The Internet has led to a rampant increase in both bullying and pornography. The “shame factor” that used to keep people “in check” is no longer there. Kids think they can do things anonymously on-line and on their phone. At a superficial level they do get away with it. What they don’t realize is that everything they do can be traced, with the right know-how. What they don’t realize is that everything they do on the Internet and on their phone is like a “digital tattoo,” that cannot be removed. It is forever and it can spread to millions.

So back to sexting. A nude photo is valuable information. Information is like gold in the pre-teen and teen years. Why not ask for a nude photo from a girl? Why not give it if you are the girl. It is fun. It is hot. It may get you some major attention/ popularity points.

Many times nude photos are sent by girlfriend as a “gift” to their boyfriends. Girls trust it will just go to the one boy as he promised. They don’t get the power they just handed over to him or friends who have access to his computer.

What to do? Talk to your kids now!

  • Ask them to tell you about it. What do they know? How prevalent is it? Have they ever heard of it happening to one of their friends? What do they think about it?
  • Share your concerns. Teens might resist the idea at first and be very uncomfortable about the whole conversation, but they are listening. This is not a “Do what I say talk.” Your kids have incredible freedom on the Internet and cell phone and we need the screen to be between their ears, not external to themselves.
  • You could take this as an opportunity to be clear about your values. You could talk with them about the dividing line between public and private.
  • Talk about the concept of a “digital tattoo.” Nothing in cyberspace ever gets deleted. What if a future employer saw the photos?

References:

The Middle Ages: Young people, texting and sexting, Susan Reimer, The Baltimore Sun, 6 January 2009.

“Anatomy of a Child Pornographer,”‘What happens when adults catch teenagers “sexting” photos of each other? The death of common sense.’ Nancy Rommelmann, Reason Magazine, July 2009

Amanda Lenhart, Teens and Sexting: How and why minor teens are sending sexually suggestive nude or nearly nude images via text messaging, Pew Internet and American
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If I knew then what I know now,
I’d still find this hard to believe. Maybe in the future everyone will have a nude photo of themselves somewhere on the Web.
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What was your biggest take-away?
What action step do you plan to take?
What additional questions do you have about this topic?

For Effective Parenting: Put Your Oxygen Mask on First

Take Care of You

Erica noticed that last week she was calm and connected with her kids. This week it seems everything is driving her crazy and she feels like a raving maniac, yelling at her kids about everything.

Discussion:

What is it about parenting that makes it feel like such a roller coaster?

I say there are two big influences.

  • One is putting everyone else first and getting so run down it feels like screaming is the only option.
  • The second is the tendency to oscillate back and forth between being friendly and loose with the rules (permissive) until our kids push us to the brink. Then we become the drill-sergeant of rules and regulations (strict) to let our kids know we REALLY mean business.

The second influence here is big. We all want to have fun and ease in our parenting … if those kids would just cooperate. In the family chaos, as we are barking out the “rules and regulations” orders, we are exhausted. There has got to be a better way.

What I have found in my own parenting and as a parent coach, is that NOTHING productive can happen when I don’t take care of myself. When I live my life reacting to what happens, I am at the mercy of other people and situations that I have no control over. When I live my life proactively, I take care of myself first so I have the energy to plan ahead and set up systems for homework, chores, family meals, and extra-curricular activities that work for everyone.

How do you start?

First- decide that YOU do matter and taking care of you in important. That is by far the most important step. Then think about what would nurture you the most.

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If I knew then what I know now,
I would have scheduled “me time” on my crowded calendar.
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What are your tips?
Send in your ideas on how us busy parents can carve out time for ourselves.
We’ll share them next week.